Sunday, 17 October 2010
Fake Your Own Death
Sometimes, you've just got to think outside of the box.
Ok, I hear you. I hear you complaining.
"But... But... Isn't that a little extreme? Faking a car accident or a bank robbery gone bad? In fact, isn't it illegal?"
By the letter of the law, yeah, maybe. But usually not if you don't file an insurance claim.
And it sure ain't against the rules of love.
See, there's nothing like that golden moment when you walk in the door... at the your own wake! (Closed casket, of course. You don't want to seem too weird.)
It's that one guaranteed time in your life when people will be absolutely ecstatic to see you. Particularly that one secretary in accounts who's been nice to you but hasn't yet "seen the light."
For those religious girls in the crowd, it will strongly affirm their deeply held beliefs and make them all the more anxious to get you to the altar.
And if you do get a few malcontents who are soreheaded about being tricked, this quote from Mark Twain is sure to floor them (...that is, if you're wearing a white Panama suit and smoking a cigar. A fake beard wouldn't hurt either.)
"The reports of my death have been greatly exagerated."
Hey, it worked for Elvis, right?
Now stop nitpicking... and let's get cracking!