Sunday, 28 February 2010

Talk About F. Scott Fitzgerald

It's a fallacy that most women today are just interested in fast cars and even faster men.

As my grouchy (but wise) Uncle Max would say, "WRONG, KIDDO!"

Have you noticed the attention that Oprah's Book Club has been getting lately? And we ain't just talking about Harlequin Romances either.

Women today are college educated. Which means that they like to know that their potential-man-to-be knows his books.

For example, approaching a gal in your local Starbucks like this is guaranteed FAILURE:

YOU: Hey baby, what's shaking?

HER (rolling eyes): Whatever.

Whereas, if you're looking for the right side of paradise, to find how tender that night can be, try:

YOU: Yes, Gatsby believed in the green light, that orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter -- tomorrow, we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther...

HER (interupting, inflamed): So we beat on, boats against the current!

And don't be afraid to be too direct:

YOU: Honey, I've got a diamond as big as the Ritz.

HER (perking up): Oh, really?

Hey, if it worked great for the man itself (of course, it helped to graduate from Princeton), think of what it can do for you.

Now time to hit the library.... and get cracking!

Sunday, 21 February 2010

Don't Shower

You heard me.

I know that sounds a little "out there" but rest assured, my friend, there is method in that so-called madness.

You see, when you take a shower or a bath, you wash away those valuable women-attacting pheromones you've accumulated on your skin all day.

So when you think you're getting rid of sweat and dirt, what you're really doing is getting rid of your "secret weapon."

Sure, your friends might laugh at you at first. Your family and employer may look upon you disdainfully.

But when you stagger home in the morning from yet one more successful date, with a Blackberry crammed with numbers from beautiful women you met on the street, those smiles are going to "turn upside down."

(As for doing laundry, do I really have to add that's a no-no? Those quarters you save will come in handy with all those dinners you're buying.... But no! They won't! Women will be buying YOU dinner!)

You think I'm wrong? Just read a little history. What about Rasputin and the scores of Russian noblewomen he got to know better? And Daniel Boone... You really think they had hot and cold running water out in the Kentucky of 1837?

In fact, it's a provable fact that as soon as "personal hygene" came into the picture, the word "loser" was first introduced into human language.

Ok, enough talk. Throw away that soap. And let's get cracking!

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Hey Buddy!

You know, I don't like to brag but I've had a lot of success with women.


Now, out of the kindness of my heart (and in the spirit of "paying it forward"), I'm going to share some of my most secret of secrets every week.


Yeah, you heard me. No cost. Nothing to buy and no videos to send away for. And for why, you may ask?

Because when you're loaded down with luv, you don't need any of that filthy green.

Now let's get cracking!